The Person I Want to Be

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Everyone has things they struggle with in life.  For me, it’s been willpower, self discipline.  I’m moody – and I don’t mean mood swings between extreme emotional states – but more like, I’m just not in the mood to… do something when it’s scheduled – go out, do yoga or go for a walk, respond to emails, cook, eat vegetables, answer the phone (eg. talk to someone), etc.

I typically give in to what I am in the mood to do – read, eat a hot dog (yes 100% natural, antibiotic free, but still… I should be eating veggies!), watch a show or trees swaying in the wind outside, and lots of other things.

I also have quite a few habits, some of which I’ve tried to break.  But, with weak willpower, self discipline it’s been really hard to be the “Person I Want to Be.”  I can accept my flaws, and laugh at myself, and generally feel pretty good about myself.  I’d rather have this problem than some of the struggles others do – family problems, alcoholism, extreme mood swings, and so on, and I have mad skills.

But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t strive to get just a little bit closer to the Person I Want to Be.

A little while ago I read a really well written article by a nutritionist.  She was saying it takes three weeks of a focused, daily effort for someone to change or develop a new habit.  That really struck me – whenever I go on a Mission of Change, I tend to try and change many habits at once.   In my defense, a lot of them are inter-dependent, really!  But yes, it’s also my personality trait where I tend to do too much, go overboard.  If it takes 3 weeks to develop / change ONE habit, no wonder my missions have (mostly) failed.

So, I’ve been mulling over what one thing I should pick and focus on. Do yoga every morning? Maintain a daily schedule / task list?  Log my time on everything I’m doing throughout the day so that I will be constantly aware when the clock is stopped and I’m not being productive?  Which would carry over into my personal life hopefully.

Now, I could probably write on about why I’m so undisciplined, what my parents didn’t do right, how society has formed me, and so on… but I won’t.  Because I’m disciplining myself and finishing this post before it’s time to shut off the computer and attend to my kids (yes, again I’m practicing self discipline, because I often don’t get off the computer right away when boys are home).

When I decide what I’ll focus on, I’ll write a post about it.  Hopefully I’ll be in the mood to!

PS.  I found the apple image on a pretty good post about developing habits.


Elise is a former  journalist turned web developer turned event planner. She is deaf, advocates for accessible technology and ASL literacy, and very opinionated. Her passion is her family - husband Lee, sons Logan and Lucas - and her business.

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2 Responses

  1. Richie says:

    To be honest, if my mother had me eat all that healthy stuff, I would rebel! An occasional treat is healthy.

  2. beautifulx2 says:

    Ugh, I have the exact same problem. Working on it! Right now, it is focused on more healthful eating and organizing my stuff. This three-weeks-to-make-a-habit idea gives me hope too! Maybe if you are developing a habit out of curiosity, you can try it for a month to see if you like it enough to continue. Because anyone can do anything for three weeks but if, after the 21st day, one stops, then what’s the point?

    I, too, hope you will be in the mood to post what you decide to do! I can keep you accountable if you will keep me accountable? Would that help get you in the mood? 😀

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